I just can't help myself...

H.S. Salad Dressing Befouler Booked
Senior, 17, facing aggravated battery, disorderly conduct raps
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DECEMBER 18--Meet Marco Raphael Castro. The Illinois high school student surrendered today to face charges resulting from a revolting lunchroom prank earlier this month.

According to Wheaton police and school officials, the 17-year-old senior ejaculated into a bottle of ranch salad dressing on December 6 and returned the befouled condiment to the Wheaton North High School cafeteria...
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http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1218062castro1.html